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Wossname - April 2022 - the last hurrah?
Apr. 28th, 2022 06:55 pmWossname
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
April 2022 (Volume 25, Issue 4, Post 1)
********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a free publication offering news, reviews, and all the other stuff-that-fits pertaining to the works of Sir Terry Pratchett. Originally founded by the late, great Joe Schaumburger for members of the worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates, including the North American Discworld Society and other continental groups, Wossname is now for Discworld and Pratchett fans everywhere in Roundworld.
********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Annie Mac
News Editor: Vera P
Newshounds: Mogg, Sir J of Croydon Below, the Shadow, Mss C, Alison not Aliss
Staff Writers: Evil Steven Dread, Mrs Wynn-Jones
Staff Technomancer: Jason Parlevliet
Book Reviews: Annie Mac, Drusilla D'Afanguin, Your Name Here
Bard in Residence: Weird Alice Lancrevic
Emergency Staff: Steven D'Aprano, Jason Parlevliet
World Membership Director: Steven D'Aprano (in his copious spare time)
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
INDEX:
01) QUOTES OF THE MONTH
02) EDITOR'S LETTER
03) ODDS AND SODS
04) CLOSE
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
01) QUOTES OF THE MONTH
"Pratchett enjoyed writing, regarding its monetary rewards as "an unavoidable consequence" rather than the reason for writing."
– kudos to Wikipedia for reminding us what writing is *always* supposed to be about
"'Good and bad is tricky,' she said. 'I ain't too certain about where people stand. P'raps what matters is which way you face.'"
– the wisdom of Granny Weatherwax
"Stories don't care who takes part in them. All that matters is that the story gets told, that the story repeats. Or, if you prefer to think of it like this: stories are a parasitical life form, warping lives in the service only of the story itself."
– and our favourite storyteller knew it so well
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
02) LETTER FROM YOUR EDITOR
Dear Readers,
I'm going to get personal here.
Yes, the issue I was putting together for April was meant to celebrate the birth and life of the child who became Sir Terence David John Pratchett, and yes, this day – the 28th of April – is celebrated by fans around Roundworld as Terry Pratchett Day, but for me, every day is in a sense Terry Pratchett Day, I doubt a single day goes by in our household that doesn't contain at least one reference to a Pratchett quote, or to a Pratchett character, or to a piece of The Author's beautifully described "stealth philosophy". His works have brightened my life for over thirty-five years now and I don't see that ever changing. I continue – in private – to turn uninitiated friends and strangers on to the Pratchett oeuvre, and I don't see that changing either.
My ex (still a beloved friend), an astonishingly bright man who suffered from severe dyslexia, taught himself to read using my Discworld novels and acquired a lot of sociopolitical and cultural education in the process.
Several friends have read their children to sleep with Discworld books.
Several people of my acquaintance over the years have got married – or buried – to Pratchett quotes.
So yes, every day now is a GNU Terry Pratchett day for me.
I met a fascinating gaggle of mostly-Australian Discworld readers at the turn of the century when I opened my first-ever search engine page (Dogpile, as it happens), randomly typed in "Terry Pratchett Discworld", and was led immediately to the OZDW Discworld discussion mailing list. I joined the list out of curiosity and embarked on many years of fun discussions, a few of which were about Pratchett books (though these normally included an "On Topic Warning!" in their subject lines). One of the members of OZDW was a retired American publisher, Joe Schaumburger, who had started a Discworld newsletter/fanzine – "Wossname, newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion" – back in the days when such things were printed out and posted by land mail, before moving it to egroups and then to Yahoogroups; Joe, knowing me as a professional wordsmith, occasionally asked me to contribute reviews to Wossname. Then came the day of his first heart attack, at which point he asked me to take over as editor-publisher while he recovered... and eventually asked me if I would carry it on permanently. How could I refuse a nice, sick old man? So I did. And then fast-forward well over a decade and I was still doing it, with the assistance of assorted newsgatherers and tech people, out of respect for Joe's memory.
But that assortment of assistants has gradually fallen away over the years since Sir Pterry died, to the point where I'm doing most of the newsgathering and compositing myself. And given that I never sought to be involved running a fanzine in the first place, and given that my unhappiness with the way things have been heading since then in the official Pratchett-legacy mediaverse has made it ever more difficult for me to write enthusiastic reviews or get excited about merch, putting Wossname out month after month has become a burden I find too hard to continue bearing.
So I think it's time for me to take a break. Perhaps a very long one. Perhaps a permanent one. I've never been a "fan" in the usual 21st century sense, but I love the Pratchett oeuvre, admire the activism he undertook in his lifetime, and will re-read and cherish his books forever. I just won't be writing about them.
Thank you all, O Readers, for reading along, and thank you for the many letters of appreciation and support we've received over the years. If this does turn out to be the end of my own Wossname journey, and if anyone out there wants to take up the Wossname baton, you know where to find me...
– Annie Mac, Editor
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
03) ODDS AND SODS
3.1 AUDIOBOOK NEWS
https://twitter.com/PenguinUKBooks/status/1514891528807718917 (Andy Serkis, interviewed about his reading of the Small Gods audiobook)
...which apparently can be pre-ordered via this link: https://linktr.ee/Discworld
3.2 THE END OF UNSEEN THEATRE
A Fourecksian tradition is coming to an end. The Bakehouse, home of the marvellous Unseen Theatre's Discworld plays for years and years, has been captured by an entity more interested in darkening the world with inhuman brainwashing rather than brightening it with good theatre, and the space will no longer be available for any productions.
By Samela Harris for Indaily:
"The loss of Adelaide’s Bakehouse Theatre is like a death in the family. The grief is terrible. It’s a quaint old venue but it has played a profoundly relevant role in the cultural life and welfare of the city of Adelaide. It should have been saved but there was no one with the money or political oomph to do so... In 2006, the funding was cut. But the theatre went on. Pamela Munt had been looking for a place to put on shows with her daughter Melanie for their Unseen Theatre Company, which specialises in Terry Pratchett works. They were beginning to feel a bit disheartened. And then they arrived at the Bakehouse. When Green opened the foyer door, says Munt, they did not have to say a word. Mother and daughter just looked at each other and knew. This was the place they sought...”
https://indaily.co/354825
3.3 OF COURSE MEN CAN WRITE WOMEN, AND SIR PTERRY WAS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW TO DO IT
A writer's view, from The Bookseller:
"There’s a lot of fear around just now, perhaps it’s genuine or maybe, dare I say, it’s cynically manufactured. There are writers taking to Twitter to protest the fact that they 'can’t' write certain characters anymore because they’ll be 'cancelled', they’re outraged that 'wokery' is curtailing their 'artistic vision' and… I’m going to end that sentence there because I’m running out of sarcastic quotation marks. Of course a writer can write another gender, and it’s a good thing too, because imagine what literary masterpieces we’d have been robbed of if everyone only wrote characters that matched their own. Imagine how much poorer we’d be if Robin Hobb hadn’t written Fitz, if Terry Pratchett hadn’t written Granny Weatherwax, If Ursula Le Guin hadn’t written Sparrowhawk, Neil Gaiman hadn’t written Coraline, Agatha Christie hadn’t written Poirot, authors writing characters of a different gender from them isn’t new and some of the greatest literary characters we have are a result of it. If women authors write lead characters who are both male or female, but men limit themselves to writing only male characters then what you’re left with is, once again, an uneven balance of male characters, and that’s a step in the wrong direction. You can write a different gender from your own, you just have to do it well..."
https://www.thebookseller.com/comment/why-men-canand-mustwrite-women
3.4 THE MERCH CORNER
* REMINDER: The Big Wee Alphabet Book!
Not just for children learning to read, but for anyone who loves the Nac Mac Feegle (and don't we all!), and it feels genuine, as if a still-living Terry Pratchett had a hand in it:
"A wonderfully witty ABC book from Terry Pratchett's pesky pictsies, the Nac Mac Feegle! Learn the alphabet the Feegle way from 'Ach' to 'Zzz' with the Wee Free Men and their Big Wee Alphabet Book – a Discworld book for Big Jobs and wee scunners alike! Join Rob Anybody and the Chalk Hill Clan from Terry Pratchett's Discworld books as they guide you through the alphabet the Feegle way! Expect stealin', fightin' and cries of CRIVENS! as Terry Pratchett's pesky pictsies explore their favourite words and sayings from A-Z! Lovingly produced by Ian Mitchell at the Discworld Emporium, with beautiful illustrations by David Wyatt. Created with love and respect for our friend Terry and his incredible creations, with thanks to the glorious powers that be at Dunmanifestin Ltd. Beautifully produced with quarter binding and high quality papers throughout. Exclusive to the Discworld Emporium!"
Each Big Wee Alphabet Book is priced at £14.99. For more info, and to order, go to: https://bit.ly/3iHvolI
3.5 THE LOVE SONG OF TDJ PRATCHETT
Because I've been posting Weird Alice's masterpiece tribute here every year as a memorial...
Let us go then, you and I,
When the Rimfall is spread out against the sky
Like a victim on Quetzovercoatl's altar
Let us go, through certain dark Ankh-Morpork streets,
As Cumbling Michael bleats
Of restless nights in Elm Street's cheap bedsits
And Harga's restaurant with greasy chips
Streets that follow like a Fools' Guild argument
Of a humorous intent
To lead you to an overt wealth of... footnotes!
Oh, do not play Greek Chorus
Let us go and dance Dark Morris.
In the room the wizards come, unseen
Talking of thaumic octarine.
The Morpork smog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The river-fug that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes,
Licked its tongue into the corners of the Bucket,
Lingered upon the gargoyles guarding drains,
Let fall upon its back the black of lithe Assassins,
Slipped by the terrace, writhed round Sator Square,
And seeing that it was a soft Sektober night,
Curled once around the Tump, and fell asleep.
And indeed there will be crime
Under Ankh-born fumes that slide down Easy Street,
Rubbing grey-black upon the window-panes; Disc-ing itself
There will be crime, and barely time
To prepare a voucher for the Thieves that you may meet;
There will be time to say the number Eight,
And time for all Devices wrought by dwarfs
That lift this brawling City toward its fate;
Time for Schleppel, time for Reg,
And time yet for an Igor's deft incisions,
And for a Sweeper's history revisions,
Before the taking of meat and two veg.
In the room the wizards come, unseen
Making a joke about the Dean.
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, 'Do I dare? Will Vimes go spare?'
Time to turn back Time and deeds repair,
With P.L.T. making horrors of my hair—
[They will say: 'How she stoops, to wear the tin!']
My armoured breasts, my collar fastened firmly 'neath my chin,
My pedigree's the oddest, but blue-blooded via lupine kin—
[They will say: 'But she's a vegetarian!']
Do I dare
Disturb the multiverse?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which the Moon will soon reverse.
For I have known the grags already, known them all—
Have known the meetings, mineshafts, Ankhian ruins,
I have squandered all my gold in greasy spoons;
I know the old life's dying, like an axe's fall
Beneath the bustle under cellar rooms.
So should I mention Koom?
And I have known the toffs already, known them all—
The eyes that damn you with a far too inbred phrase,
And when I am relegated, tossed like Mr Pin,
When I am told 'No comment!' by Lord Rust,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all Spike's butt-ends from the Golem Trust?
And how should I presume?
And I have known the 'girls' already, known them all—
Arms of that painted Guild, pale, white and calm
(But in the lamplight, best of Mrs Palm's!)
Is it scumble from a dish
That makesh me shpeak like thish?
Arms that twine around a client, or cap a maiden's fall.
And should I rent a room?
How soon should I dig in?
. . . . .
Shall I say, I have lurked at dusk in Morpork's streets
And watched the Clacks that clatter from the roofs
Midst lonely geeks with code-books, changing shifts in towers? . . .
I should have been a cruel wild banshee's claws
Scuttling between the Trouserlegs of Time.
. . . . .
And 'til well past noon, Young Sam will sleep so peacefully!
Smooth is his breathing,
Asleep . . . tired . . . or merely teething
Safe in his bed, here beside you and me.
Should I, after teetotal libations,
Have the strength to foil yet more assassinations?
But though I have cursed and shouted, growled and coughed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] fetch ever higher prices
I am no genius — but I'm cool in crisis;
I have seen the sternest of my Watchmen flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Death of Rats go SNH, and snicker,
And in short, I was pissed off.
And would it have been worth it all, and sweet,
After millennium hand and shrimp for tea,
Among the Faculty, among some talk of Sourcery,
Would it have been worth while
To endure Ridcully's hassling with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe's rubber sheet
To roll it toward some thaumic insurrection,
To say: 'We are wizardry's future, come have fun
'Come HEX me up a treat, H.E.M. is neat!'
If one, scoffing a sausage inna bun,
Should say: 'That is not what I meant to eat.
'That is not real named meat.'
And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the battles and the broadswords and the trampled thrones,
After the sagas, after the horse cheese, after the skirts I chased
from Rim to Hub—
And dine-chewers for my grub?—
It is 'barbarian' to say just what I mean!
But seen by a magic lantern through a silken Agatean screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, scuttling a Dark Lord or storming Io's gate
To turn larks into legends, should say:
'That's not a hero's fate,
'That's not a deathless hero's fate.'
No! I am not King Verence, nor was meant to be;
I'm just a tender Tomjon, one who'll do
To thrill the punters, steal a scene or two
Advise the prince; he jingles, but he's cool,
Deferential to the senior Ogg
Mildly thick, gracious, and fond of his wife;
Full of high purpose, but a bit agog;
At times, indeed, a cliche brought to life—
Almost a perfect Fool.
I grow old . . . I grow old . . .
I shall yet wear midnight when the nights are cold.
Shall I shout 'Io's not blind!'? Do I dare to speak of Klatch?
I shall wear black pointy headgear, and fly on brooms of thatch
I have heard the Beggars, canting to the Watch.
I do not think that they will beg from me.
We have seen young vampires gliding past the Moon
Combing the land for humans to attack
Venting their blood-lust stylishly in black.
We have lingered on the shambling Circumfence
By sea-trolls wreathed with foam against the sky
Till Great A'Tuin takes us, and we fly.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
07) CLOSE
A few more things to remember,,,
Asteroid 127005 Pratchett was discovered 20 years ago this month.
There was a Pratchett chelonian: Psephophorus terrypratchetti, an extinct sea turtle – "the only Miocene dermochelyid turtle found in Europe. One species of Psephophorus could measure up to ten feet in length." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psephophorus
Snowgum Films made a very decent film adaptation of Troll Bridge, with contributions from The Author himself, and it's still available to watch for free on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7v_TdLviUE
...and finally, it wouldn't be a proper memorial without one of Sir Pterry's favourite apes in it! Ah Meng (1960– 2008) was a female Sumatran orangutan and tourism icon in Singapore. "She was smuggled from Indonesia and kept illegally as a domestic pet before being recovered by a veterinarian in 1971. She was then eleven years old and was given a home at the Singapore Zoo. Ah Meng was the head of her small clan, which lives in a large enclosure with about twenty other orangutans. She had five children, twelve grandchildren and five great-grandchildren. She belonged to the Sumatran orangutan species, a rarer breed of orangutan now critically endangered due to illegal logging and poaching." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ah_Meng
And that's it for April and for now. In the meantime, if you want to carry on reading about the minutiae of Discworld re-releases, Pratchett-based screen projects, fangroup meetings and conventions, remember that Discworld Monthly is still going.
GNU Sir Pterry forever, and mind how you go, all of you!
– Annie Mac
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
The End. If you have any questions or requests, write: wossname-owner (at) pearwood (dot) info
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
April 2022 (Volume 25, Issue 4, Post 1)
********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a free publication offering news, reviews, and all the other stuff-that-fits pertaining to the works of Sir Terry Pratchett. Originally founded by the late, great Joe Schaumburger for members of the worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates, including the North American Discworld Society and other continental groups, Wossname is now for Discworld and Pratchett fans everywhere in Roundworld.
********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Annie Mac
News Editor: Vera P
Newshounds: Mogg, Sir J of Croydon Below, the Shadow, Mss C, Alison not Aliss
Staff Writers: Evil Steven Dread, Mrs Wynn-Jones
Staff Technomancer: Jason Parlevliet
Book Reviews: Annie Mac, Drusilla D'Afanguin, Your Name Here
Bard in Residence: Weird Alice Lancrevic
Emergency Staff: Steven D'Aprano, Jason Parlevliet
World Membership Director: Steven D'Aprano (in his copious spare time)
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
INDEX:
01) QUOTES OF THE MONTH
02) EDITOR'S LETTER
03) ODDS AND SODS
04) CLOSE
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
01) QUOTES OF THE MONTH
"Pratchett enjoyed writing, regarding its monetary rewards as "an unavoidable consequence" rather than the reason for writing."
– kudos to Wikipedia for reminding us what writing is *always* supposed to be about
"'Good and bad is tricky,' she said. 'I ain't too certain about where people stand. P'raps what matters is which way you face.'"
– the wisdom of Granny Weatherwax
"Stories don't care who takes part in them. All that matters is that the story gets told, that the story repeats. Or, if you prefer to think of it like this: stories are a parasitical life form, warping lives in the service only of the story itself."
– and our favourite storyteller knew it so well
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
02) LETTER FROM YOUR EDITOR
Dear Readers,
I'm going to get personal here.
Yes, the issue I was putting together for April was meant to celebrate the birth and life of the child who became Sir Terence David John Pratchett, and yes, this day – the 28th of April – is celebrated by fans around Roundworld as Terry Pratchett Day, but for me, every day is in a sense Terry Pratchett Day, I doubt a single day goes by in our household that doesn't contain at least one reference to a Pratchett quote, or to a Pratchett character, or to a piece of The Author's beautifully described "stealth philosophy". His works have brightened my life for over thirty-five years now and I don't see that ever changing. I continue – in private – to turn uninitiated friends and strangers on to the Pratchett oeuvre, and I don't see that changing either.
My ex (still a beloved friend), an astonishingly bright man who suffered from severe dyslexia, taught himself to read using my Discworld novels and acquired a lot of sociopolitical and cultural education in the process.
Several friends have read their children to sleep with Discworld books.
Several people of my acquaintance over the years have got married – or buried – to Pratchett quotes.
So yes, every day now is a GNU Terry Pratchett day for me.
I met a fascinating gaggle of mostly-Australian Discworld readers at the turn of the century when I opened my first-ever search engine page (Dogpile, as it happens), randomly typed in "Terry Pratchett Discworld", and was led immediately to the OZDW Discworld discussion mailing list. I joined the list out of curiosity and embarked on many years of fun discussions, a few of which were about Pratchett books (though these normally included an "On Topic Warning!" in their subject lines). One of the members of OZDW was a retired American publisher, Joe Schaumburger, who had started a Discworld newsletter/fanzine – "Wossname, newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion" – back in the days when such things were printed out and posted by land mail, before moving it to egroups and then to Yahoogroups; Joe, knowing me as a professional wordsmith, occasionally asked me to contribute reviews to Wossname. Then came the day of his first heart attack, at which point he asked me to take over as editor-publisher while he recovered... and eventually asked me if I would carry it on permanently. How could I refuse a nice, sick old man? So I did. And then fast-forward well over a decade and I was still doing it, with the assistance of assorted newsgatherers and tech people, out of respect for Joe's memory.
But that assortment of assistants has gradually fallen away over the years since Sir Pterry died, to the point where I'm doing most of the newsgathering and compositing myself. And given that I never sought to be involved running a fanzine in the first place, and given that my unhappiness with the way things have been heading since then in the official Pratchett-legacy mediaverse has made it ever more difficult for me to write enthusiastic reviews or get excited about merch, putting Wossname out month after month has become a burden I find too hard to continue bearing.
So I think it's time for me to take a break. Perhaps a very long one. Perhaps a permanent one. I've never been a "fan" in the usual 21st century sense, but I love the Pratchett oeuvre, admire the activism he undertook in his lifetime, and will re-read and cherish his books forever. I just won't be writing about them.
Thank you all, O Readers, for reading along, and thank you for the many letters of appreciation and support we've received over the years. If this does turn out to be the end of my own Wossname journey, and if anyone out there wants to take up the Wossname baton, you know where to find me...
– Annie Mac, Editor
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
03) ODDS AND SODS
3.1 AUDIOBOOK NEWS
https://twitter.com/PenguinUKBooks/status/1514891528807718917 (Andy Serkis, interviewed about his reading of the Small Gods audiobook)
...which apparently can be pre-ordered via this link: https://linktr.ee/Discworld
3.2 THE END OF UNSEEN THEATRE
A Fourecksian tradition is coming to an end. The Bakehouse, home of the marvellous Unseen Theatre's Discworld plays for years and years, has been captured by an entity more interested in darkening the world with inhuman brainwashing rather than brightening it with good theatre, and the space will no longer be available for any productions.
By Samela Harris for Indaily:
"The loss of Adelaide’s Bakehouse Theatre is like a death in the family. The grief is terrible. It’s a quaint old venue but it has played a profoundly relevant role in the cultural life and welfare of the city of Adelaide. It should have been saved but there was no one with the money or political oomph to do so... In 2006, the funding was cut. But the theatre went on. Pamela Munt had been looking for a place to put on shows with her daughter Melanie for their Unseen Theatre Company, which specialises in Terry Pratchett works. They were beginning to feel a bit disheartened. And then they arrived at the Bakehouse. When Green opened the foyer door, says Munt, they did not have to say a word. Mother and daughter just looked at each other and knew. This was the place they sought...”
https://indaily.co/354825
3.3 OF COURSE MEN CAN WRITE WOMEN, AND SIR PTERRY WAS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW TO DO IT
A writer's view, from The Bookseller:
"There’s a lot of fear around just now, perhaps it’s genuine or maybe, dare I say, it’s cynically manufactured. There are writers taking to Twitter to protest the fact that they 'can’t' write certain characters anymore because they’ll be 'cancelled', they’re outraged that 'wokery' is curtailing their 'artistic vision' and… I’m going to end that sentence there because I’m running out of sarcastic quotation marks. Of course a writer can write another gender, and it’s a good thing too, because imagine what literary masterpieces we’d have been robbed of if everyone only wrote characters that matched their own. Imagine how much poorer we’d be if Robin Hobb hadn’t written Fitz, if Terry Pratchett hadn’t written Granny Weatherwax, If Ursula Le Guin hadn’t written Sparrowhawk, Neil Gaiman hadn’t written Coraline, Agatha Christie hadn’t written Poirot, authors writing characters of a different gender from them isn’t new and some of the greatest literary characters we have are a result of it. If women authors write lead characters who are both male or female, but men limit themselves to writing only male characters then what you’re left with is, once again, an uneven balance of male characters, and that’s a step in the wrong direction. You can write a different gender from your own, you just have to do it well..."
https://www.thebookseller.com/comment/why-men-canand-mustwrite-women
3.4 THE MERCH CORNER
* REMINDER: The Big Wee Alphabet Book!
Not just for children learning to read, but for anyone who loves the Nac Mac Feegle (and don't we all!), and it feels genuine, as if a still-living Terry Pratchett had a hand in it:
"A wonderfully witty ABC book from Terry Pratchett's pesky pictsies, the Nac Mac Feegle! Learn the alphabet the Feegle way from 'Ach' to 'Zzz' with the Wee Free Men and their Big Wee Alphabet Book – a Discworld book for Big Jobs and wee scunners alike! Join Rob Anybody and the Chalk Hill Clan from Terry Pratchett's Discworld books as they guide you through the alphabet the Feegle way! Expect stealin', fightin' and cries of CRIVENS! as Terry Pratchett's pesky pictsies explore their favourite words and sayings from A-Z! Lovingly produced by Ian Mitchell at the Discworld Emporium, with beautiful illustrations by David Wyatt. Created with love and respect for our friend Terry and his incredible creations, with thanks to the glorious powers that be at Dunmanifestin Ltd. Beautifully produced with quarter binding and high quality papers throughout. Exclusive to the Discworld Emporium!"
Each Big Wee Alphabet Book is priced at £14.99. For more info, and to order, go to: https://bit.ly/3iHvolI
3.5 THE LOVE SONG OF TDJ PRATCHETT
Because I've been posting Weird Alice's masterpiece tribute here every year as a memorial...
Let us go then, you and I,
When the Rimfall is spread out against the sky
Like a victim on Quetzovercoatl's altar
Let us go, through certain dark Ankh-Morpork streets,
As Cumbling Michael bleats
Of restless nights in Elm Street's cheap bedsits
And Harga's restaurant with greasy chips
Streets that follow like a Fools' Guild argument
Of a humorous intent
To lead you to an overt wealth of... footnotes!
Oh, do not play Greek Chorus
Let us go and dance Dark Morris.
In the room the wizards come, unseen
Talking of thaumic octarine.
The Morpork smog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The river-fug that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes,
Licked its tongue into the corners of the Bucket,
Lingered upon the gargoyles guarding drains,
Let fall upon its back the black of lithe Assassins,
Slipped by the terrace, writhed round Sator Square,
And seeing that it was a soft Sektober night,
Curled once around the Tump, and fell asleep.
And indeed there will be crime
Under Ankh-born fumes that slide down Easy Street,
Rubbing grey-black upon the window-panes; Disc-ing itself
There will be crime, and barely time
To prepare a voucher for the Thieves that you may meet;
There will be time to say the number Eight,
And time for all Devices wrought by dwarfs
That lift this brawling City toward its fate;
Time for Schleppel, time for Reg,
And time yet for an Igor's deft incisions,
And for a Sweeper's history revisions,
Before the taking of meat and two veg.
In the room the wizards come, unseen
Making a joke about the Dean.
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, 'Do I dare? Will Vimes go spare?'
Time to turn back Time and deeds repair,
With P.L.T. making horrors of my hair—
[They will say: 'How she stoops, to wear the tin!']
My armoured breasts, my collar fastened firmly 'neath my chin,
My pedigree's the oddest, but blue-blooded via lupine kin—
[They will say: 'But she's a vegetarian!']
Do I dare
Disturb the multiverse?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which the Moon will soon reverse.
For I have known the grags already, known them all—
Have known the meetings, mineshafts, Ankhian ruins,
I have squandered all my gold in greasy spoons;
I know the old life's dying, like an axe's fall
Beneath the bustle under cellar rooms.
So should I mention Koom?
And I have known the toffs already, known them all—
The eyes that damn you with a far too inbred phrase,
And when I am relegated, tossed like Mr Pin,
When I am told 'No comment!' by Lord Rust,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all Spike's butt-ends from the Golem Trust?
And how should I presume?
And I have known the 'girls' already, known them all—
Arms of that painted Guild, pale, white and calm
(But in the lamplight, best of Mrs Palm's!)
Is it scumble from a dish
That makesh me shpeak like thish?
Arms that twine around a client, or cap a maiden's fall.
And should I rent a room?
How soon should I dig in?
. . . . .
Shall I say, I have lurked at dusk in Morpork's streets
And watched the Clacks that clatter from the roofs
Midst lonely geeks with code-books, changing shifts in towers? . . .
I should have been a cruel wild banshee's claws
Scuttling between the Trouserlegs of Time.
. . . . .
And 'til well past noon, Young Sam will sleep so peacefully!
Smooth is his breathing,
Asleep . . . tired . . . or merely teething
Safe in his bed, here beside you and me.
Should I, after teetotal libations,
Have the strength to foil yet more assassinations?
But though I have cursed and shouted, growled and coughed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] fetch ever higher prices
I am no genius — but I'm cool in crisis;
I have seen the sternest of my Watchmen flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Death of Rats go SNH, and snicker,
And in short, I was pissed off.
And would it have been worth it all, and sweet,
After millennium hand and shrimp for tea,
Among the Faculty, among some talk of Sourcery,
Would it have been worth while
To endure Ridcully's hassling with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe's rubber sheet
To roll it toward some thaumic insurrection,
To say: 'We are wizardry's future, come have fun
'Come HEX me up a treat, H.E.M. is neat!'
If one, scoffing a sausage inna bun,
Should say: 'That is not what I meant to eat.
'That is not real named meat.'
And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the battles and the broadswords and the trampled thrones,
After the sagas, after the horse cheese, after the skirts I chased
from Rim to Hub—
And dine-chewers for my grub?—
It is 'barbarian' to say just what I mean!
But seen by a magic lantern through a silken Agatean screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, scuttling a Dark Lord or storming Io's gate
To turn larks into legends, should say:
'That's not a hero's fate,
'That's not a deathless hero's fate.'
No! I am not King Verence, nor was meant to be;
I'm just a tender Tomjon, one who'll do
To thrill the punters, steal a scene or two
Advise the prince; he jingles, but he's cool,
Deferential to the senior Ogg
Mildly thick, gracious, and fond of his wife;
Full of high purpose, but a bit agog;
At times, indeed, a cliche brought to life—
Almost a perfect Fool.
I grow old . . . I grow old . . .
I shall yet wear midnight when the nights are cold.
Shall I shout 'Io's not blind!'? Do I dare to speak of Klatch?
I shall wear black pointy headgear, and fly on brooms of thatch
I have heard the Beggars, canting to the Watch.
I do not think that they will beg from me.
We have seen young vampires gliding past the Moon
Combing the land for humans to attack
Venting their blood-lust stylishly in black.
We have lingered on the shambling Circumfence
By sea-trolls wreathed with foam against the sky
Till Great A'Tuin takes us, and we fly.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
07) CLOSE
A few more things to remember,,,
Asteroid 127005 Pratchett was discovered 20 years ago this month.
There was a Pratchett chelonian: Psephophorus terrypratchetti, an extinct sea turtle – "the only Miocene dermochelyid turtle found in Europe. One species of Psephophorus could measure up to ten feet in length." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psephophorus
Snowgum Films made a very decent film adaptation of Troll Bridge, with contributions from The Author himself, and it's still available to watch for free on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7v_TdLviUE
...and finally, it wouldn't be a proper memorial without one of Sir Pterry's favourite apes in it! Ah Meng (1960– 2008) was a female Sumatran orangutan and tourism icon in Singapore. "She was smuggled from Indonesia and kept illegally as a domestic pet before being recovered by a veterinarian in 1971. She was then eleven years old and was given a home at the Singapore Zoo. Ah Meng was the head of her small clan, which lives in a large enclosure with about twenty other orangutans. She had five children, twelve grandchildren and five great-grandchildren. She belonged to the Sumatran orangutan species, a rarer breed of orangutan now critically endangered due to illegal logging and poaching." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ah_Meng
And that's it for April and for now. In the meantime, if you want to carry on reading about the minutiae of Discworld re-releases, Pratchett-based screen projects, fangroup meetings and conventions, remember that Discworld Monthly is still going.
GNU Sir Pterry forever, and mind how you go, all of you!
– Annie Mac
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The End. If you have any questions or requests, write: wossname-owner (at) pearwood (dot) info
